No Title

What is this all about? I don't know myself. It is just what is in my mind and writing is one way to get it out of my mind or rather it is the only way that I can express myself. Considering this, I give this piece no title. Maybe later I'll come up with something.

In this world, we meet so many people everyday but not all stay in our memory. Some we forget the moment they are out of sight, some we remember superficially and some leave a lasting impression on us. But when we meet someone, how do we know which of these category that person belongs to. Maybe in the first meeting, it is not determined. Maybe if there is a second encounter, memory of that person stays with you. Sometimes haunt you. No matter what you do, you just can't get away from it (or maybe don't want to).

Personal experience? Yes, it is the case. Few years back, I met two persons and at that time I didn't know that they will be around till today. First meeting, just one of those daily 'hello', 'hi'; second meeting, just the same. Infact quite a number of such encounters were casual, too casual. But were they? Or was there more to it. Were those superficial greetings really superficial or was there something else in them. Maybe at that time :'yes', but now: 'no'.

Knowingly or unknowingly the casualness changed into something more, something that was to be permenant, unlike so many other things. How and why it happened, I guess I will never know but it happened. Personally, I do not have much faith in strong relationships especially nowadays when everything is artificial, even feelings and emotions. And to think of it, even though I have this opinion, I just went in the opposite direction and created very strong bonds with them, a link that cannot be defined but it exists and is stronger than any that I know of.

So many years have passed and these bonds haven't weakened instead they have become stronger. Too strong that even I have difficulty handling them but I cannot break them, even if I wanted to. Of course I don't want to. They have given me new strength, something to hold on to when everything else fails.

Now that one of the person is not there anymore but its memories are and will always be there. These memories tell me the kind of person I was then and the person I am now. I feel sad and sometimes depressed that I was responsible for cutting the person out of my life, for selfish reasons. It was painful then and it is painful now but it created a difference in me. Something that I had suppressed till then but now I am aware of it. This 'something' doesn't have a name, it can only be felt by me and by that person only.

The other person, well, I am not sure what to write. After so many years, still the same, the same attitude, persistent and annoying but surprisingly still there. Came as a blessing when I was at my worst, just casual and good distraction, nothing more. Who knew that it was to change. It could have been one-sided and the rest could be my imagination. Whatever it is, I am indebted to this 'imagination'.

Come to think of it, few more days and all will be just a dream, a pleasant and long dream and I will be back in reality, the real life, which is no good. These bonds that I think are there will just become a part of my imagination. Nothing will materialize. Will these bonds/these people be source of happiness or sadness for me, I don't know. All I know is that while they were there, they were my companions, my friends, may be more than that. And now...I don't want to think about it, too painful.