Listening to Huda TV

Recently I stumbled upon a video on Youtube through a post shared on Facebook, which was a small part of a program aired on HUDA TV, an Islamic channel and the topic of that program was quite relevant and something that I had been thinking about for quite some time. That program cleared all the misconceptions that I had and also made me a fan of this channel. Even though it is not accessible from here but thanks to Youtube videos, every program is available.

Dec 6, 2007! It's been two years (less one month) since I last looked at my own blog. Why? Not on my top priority list. But then what is on this list? Alas! Everything which is not worth doing but they are required (more like ordered to be done).

Has anything changed in the past two years? Yes, but not for good. Infact it has become worse but somehow I have become immune to everything.

I have come back to work after a gap of 8 months, more out of necessity than of pleasure. Necessity to remain sane, even though what I leave behind is precious than anything else in this world.

Mind is cluttered with so many thoughts that it is difficult to find one and write about it. Have lost focus. Or may be forgotten how to use it or when to use it, like so many other 'forgotten skills'.

Fear of unexpected

Everyday I fear, fear the unexpected, a feeling which has totolly gone awry. A long time back the feeling was of looking forward for unexpected. Why this change? The unexpected is not 'unexpected' any more in true sense. It's only the unexpected situation that creats something which is expected and dreaded. The weekend is coming and this feeling is clouding my thoughts. Nothing has happened yet, but it will be. What, that I don't know but the result, that is, unfortunately, known.

AS was here today, that same old attitude, incomprehensible, intolerable, always arguing. Talk about old friends(?), if I can use this word for such person.

A new day

Each new day brings hope, beginning of better times.

Yeah right! It may be true for some but not for me. Every morning when I wake up, I dread that something new will go wrong. There hasn't been a single day in the past year when something has'nt go wrong, intentionally or unintentionally, that makes the rest of the day unbearable. And if by chance a day goes by quietly then it is even more dangerous as it only foretells that worst is yet to come and that dwindles any chance of relaxing. Yesterday was a quiet day and instead of being happy and relaxed, I was panicking because the silence means that something is lurking nearby but I cannot see it. And the feeling that something is going wrong but you don't know why and what so that you can at least try to stop it or minimize the effects, is a mental torture.

Life

I am beginning to wonder where my life is going. I never seem to have time for myself. It is always work, work and work and looking after the others. But who is going to look after me? I like work. In fact I like to keep myself busy instead of wasting time in front of TV or lounging around for no reason. But do I have to be busy doing things I don't want to do at that time or all the time? Why can't I do things that I like to do? Looks like that is happening for last couple of years. Sometimes I wish I could go back to SB. The one year I spent their was the best time I ever had. If it was not for some unavoidable reasons, I would have tried to stay back then but NO, I had to come back.

Life here was never my cup of tea, this I know from the day it dawned on us that from now on, there will be no more annual visits to PK since we are here permanently. There was lot of hue and cry but to no avail. How I was able to survive a decade only I know. Everyday was filled with complaining about things that are happening or not happening or why they are happening (not happening)

I have been observing the life style in this city these many years and it seems that the quality of life (not in terms of money) has gone down. People are happy by spending time in front of TV or eating out. In fact food has become an entertainment!!! I just cannot comprehend these things. There are better things to do in life than sleeping and eating all the time. But if I ever say this aloud I will be 'honoured' with terms like 'old-fashioned', 'crazy', 'out-of-touch', 'unaware of modern lifestyle' and others that I rather not write.

Surprise! Surprise!

It was 10:30 and I had just come from the class and there was a big surprise waiting for me. I wasn't even expecting it and yet it happened. Such surprises are always welcome and frequently if possible, but I guess that is too much to ask for. At least my weekend went well after so many months. Alas! the effect won't last long!

A perfect description

"My friends and my road-fellows, pity the nation that is full of beliefs and empty of religion. "Pity the nation that wears a cloth it does not weave, eats a bread it does not harvest, and drinks a wine that flows not from its own winepress. "Pity the nation that acclaims the bully as hero, and that deems the glittering conqueror bountiful. "Pity the nation that raises not its voice save when it walks in a funeral, boasts not except among its ruins, and will rebel not save when its neck is laid between the sword and the block. "Pity the nation whose statesman is a fox, whose philosopher is a juggler, and whose art is the art of patching and mimicking. "Pity the nation that welcomes its new ruler with trumpetings, and farewells him with hootings, only to welcome another with trumpetings again. "Pity the nation divided into fragments, each fragment deeming itself a nation."
-- Kahlil Gibran